Saddam Hussein Seeks Mcdonald’s Francise

Saddam Hussein, in his latest bid to escape execution for crimes against his own people, has applied to McDonald’s for a franchise. The application is widely regarded as a move by his defense team to convince the court that, if his life is spared, he will be a model citizen in the Iraq of the future.

In his application, Hussein states that he has a great deal of fast-food experience from his months on the run. He also states that, if granted the franchise, he will cease and desist from pathological social behavior that brings into question his qualifications to be a reputable franchisee. He has applied for a location in Bagdad that affords a view of one of his former palaces, so he might find peace in reminiscence as conducts his burger business.

Upon approval by McDonald’s, the agreement will be submitted to the court. At that time, the defense is expected to claim that he should be acquitted on the grounds that there is no precedent whatsoever for hanging a McDonald’s franchisee.

Depending on the outcome of Hussein’s plea, his codefendants may or may not apply to McDonald’s. There is some disagreement among them, as to whether or not their should try to corner the McDonald’s market or have the courage to compete with their former boss by opening rival chains, such as Burger King and Wendy’s. One defendant is reportedly considering an Appleby’s franchise, apparently because of a misunderstanding. He wishes one day to be accepted as “American as apple pie” and is unaware that the chain is, in reality, just another burger joint.

Ramsey Clark states, “The move by Hussein to become a McDonald’s franchisee clearly indicates that he intends to reform himself and should be given opportunity.”

While many Sunnis seem eager to patronize the former dictator’s restaurant, Shiites and Kurds are threatening to boycott it.

The American military has voiced concern about possible reprisals, particularly the threat of suicide bombers disguised as drive-through patrons.


Bush And Blair Admit Mistakes In Iraq; Vow To Continue

Meeting in Washington, Prime Minister Tony Blair and President Bush took to the podium to admit that everything in Iraq has not unfolded as they had hoped but the President insisted, “We’ve learned from our mistakes, and, if the past is any indication, we will continue to make them.”

Prime Minister Blair added, “And you can be absolutely certain that we will continue to learn from them.”

Mr. Blair also commented on his trip to Baghdad, saying, “I came away thinking the challenge is still immense, but the food there is already better than in London, and I consider that a real sign of hope, not only for the rejuvenation of Iraqi society but as an inspiration to our own chefs to start reading cookbooks.”

President. Bush stated that, while he regrets the abuse by U. S. troops at the Abu Ghraib prison, those responsible had been given prison sentences themselves, however, not at Abu Ghraid. He noted that such justice would never have occurred under Saddam Hussein, because American troops would not have been there in the first place.

Bush also said he regretted some of the comments he made early in the war, such as his now legendary taunt to the terrorists, “bring it on.”

“I think in certain parts of the world it was misinterpreted,” the President said, “but now I’ve learned how to express myself in a more sophisticated way. Today I might have said something like, ‘Please, step onto the rifle range.’”

Meanwhile, as if to taunt them, Osama Bin Laden immediately released another audiotape, in which he responded to their announcement, saying, “I made some mistakes, too, and, as my years away from the comforts of wealth, like flowing silk robes and shish kabob made with prime lamb meat, mount up, I’m beginning to think my first mistake is that I permitted myself to be born. Since it’s too late to remedy that, I assume that I, too, will continue to make mistakes, so catch me if you can.”